The Ad that Conservatives Can't Run
Here's the campaign ad that I'd love to see running. But it will never run, and we dare not run it.
Campaign Ad Nnn
Four Former Employees, ages between 35 and 45, each in a setting.
FE1: Wears full business dress, seen walking in front of a large, masonry building.
FE2: Dressed "business casual." Seen walking among empty cubicles in a large, darkened room.
FE3: Dressed less severely for business (e.g. tie but no jacket).
FE4: Dressed and groomed to the nines. Tuxedo/Gown may be appropriate. Seen walking—strolling—in a sculpture garden with a large museum building behind.
(Intro shot: Washington in background, overrlaid by question mark(s).)
Announcer: What would happen under a Conservative Administration and a Conservative Congress?
(Cut to medium shot: FE1 walking.)
FE1: There were hundreds of us helping the public find their way among complex regulations that nobody understood. Sure, we sometimes disagreed, but it was inevitable given the situation. I worked for the IRS, and the tax reforms put all of us on early retirement.
(Cut to medium shot: FE2 walking.)
FE2: We found new ways for people to reach their dreams and secure their futures. I worked for Fannie Mae, and now all I have is my government pension.
(Cut to medium shot: FE3 walking.)
FE3: I wrote thousands of pages during my career, and it became gospel for millions all over the country. Now I'm out of work, and my life's work is gone. It was all thrown away when they ripped up the regulations on small business.
(Cut to medium shot: FE4 strolling.)
FE4: I was on the front lines, driving American Values into the new century. At the National Endownment for the Arts I wrote grants for the most transgressive work anywhere. (Gestures)
(Cut to close shot: Full-colored, mushroom-shaped bust of leering Uncle Sam with water flowing down it. Pull back and pan up to reveal tableau: statues above arranged in a fountain: soldiers, civilian adults, and children, both sexes. The actual sources of the water are not visible, but it is clear that the figures are "urinating.")
FE4: But those hateful, regressive Conservatives ...
(Cut to shot: FE4 standing, face contorted in anger and about to weep.)
FE4: ... DROVE US BACK ... to the ... DARK AGES!
(Cut to shot: Classic shot of Mount Rushmore with sky above.)
Announcer: Conservatives. They just don't understand America.
This ad won't be run, because we don't have the faith in our ideas, and in the common sense of Americans. We dare not run it, because we can't trust our "public servants" to keep their promises or hew to the principles they recite when they stand before us. And maybe, just maybe, we don't like talking about the true, ugly face of the modern Left.