SQUIRRELLLLL!!!!

I haven't "babbled" in quite some time.  I am hardly a "writer", but I do believe I had a bit of "writers block". 

Somehow, this week, I found some inspiration from a squirrel.  A very tough, very scary squirrel. 

It started one morning when I heard a very distinct noise in the house when I knew no one was at home.  The first thing I did was lock myself in my bedroom where I made sure I was armed. Once armed, I walked through the hallway of my second floor like I was one of Charlie's Angels.  An older, fatter version of course. Farrah...I always wanted to be Farrah.

There I was, kicking doors open with my arms extended, gun in hand, to hopefully find the source of the noise, and live out a fantasy of yelling "freeze dirtbag, make one move and I will blow your head off!!"   Come on..how many of you want to do that too? 

I found that the noise was above me.....in the attic.  No, I did not start shooting holes through the ceiling. Gun away, fantasy over.

Well, I called someone in only to tell me we had birds.  Birds? Really? I told him they sounded like pretty big birds!  Really heavy footed birds!  Penguins maybe?  He assured me that it was just birds...charged me way too much money and left after stuffing something into the hole he found. 

I was not convinced......or wrong. 

The next morning, I was startled by a squirrel, jumping like one of the Amazing Walenda's, onto my window screen. He ran across the roof and disappeared somewhere into my attic.

Now, I look from the second floor window to see a hole chewed right into my roof!  A pretty large hole. I am now thinking...maybe this isn't a squirrel at all. Do mountain lions climb onto roofs (rooves?) and chew into attics?  I need a bigger gun. 

 

I call in a friend who was kind enough to use his carpentry skills to close the roof hole.  He did a great job, except....uh, yeah...the squirrel was in the attic when we closed the hole. 

I can hear him (or her) running all over the attic in a frenzy! 

We set up one of those Have- A- Heart traps up in the attic with a peanut butter sandwich in it.  Really, should we be giving the squirrel protein at this time?  Why don't we just give him a Red Bull and a shot of Espresso while we're at it?  Wouldn't a cup of warm milk and a lavender scented candle be better?? 

This is when I realize that the attic door that should be flush with the ceiling, isn't, and a wave of fear came over me.  Oh no! The squirrel can definitely fit through that space.

I rigged up a long stick...ceiling to floor,  to keep the door closed tightly and called in the Squirrel Busters!  I had visions of the movie Christmas Vacation with the family running up and down the stairs yelling "SQUIRREL!!!!!"  while Chevy Chase had the squirrel on his back....classic! 

 

I left the house and will return at 3PM to meet up with the rascal remover. I am hoping that the squirrel is IN the trap, eating the peanut butter sandwich, in need of a glass of milk and just hangin' waiting to be set free.  I am hoping.  I'll letcha know how it goes. 

 Actual picture of attic with light fixture down due to a short CAUSED BY THE FREAKIN SQUIRREL!!